Insight

My posts of late have been few and far between, though I have occasionally written to explain some of the reasons for my lack of inspiration. There have been glimmers of re-awakening, occasional showers to relieve my drought, and I have tried my best to soldier on as best I could. But the writing did not come, or at least did not come easily.

I have tried to understand what was happening to me and why. I have tried to pray, and for the most part just try to listen without an agenda as Fr. Louie had directed. But mostly I just tried to be open to what God was trying to do through me, even though I often felt lost and disoriented spiritually. But in the past week or so I have been reminded of reading that when asking hard questions, especially spiritual ones, you don't really "get" an answer. Instead, little by little, even without knowing it, you grow into the answer.

And so I have gradually grown into what turns out to be two answers. The first is simple, as I might have known it would be, and the insight lies within the proverb "absence makes the heart grow fonder." All the time I felt removed from Christ I also felt such a longing for reunion. I had taken his constant felt presence for granted. But I think the insight and the lesson is that this time has made me realize, on an emotional rather than intellectual level (since I so often live in my head rather than my heart), just how much I really love Jesus Christ. That love has been there, certainly, and has even grown over time, but it took this time away for it to penetrate my thick head and stony heart.

Which leads me to insight #2. All this time I have been trying to untie this Gordian knot all by myself -- just mano a mano with The Big Guy. And all this time I have been surrounded by loving and generous friends and family members who would gladly help me if I had only reached out. As I have often read, Christianity is a faith that can only be practiced in community. That is so that we can help, encourage, and admonish each other, especially during the rough patches.

Lucky for me, others including some of you, dear readers, have encouraged me. Three people have recently asked me about this blog, noting my lack of posts and telling me how much they got out of it. Then I got this via email yesterday which I share in part, anonymously...

...I too have experienced times of spiritual drought and find it so hard to pray while in them. Often the best I can do is simply pray, “O Sacred Heart of Jesus, help me place my trust in you” and “Remove from me my stony heart and fill me with a heart burning with the fires of your divine love.” I have been in that place for the past couple of weeks ....I know that this time will pass and my heart will once more feel the flame of Christ’s love and I sometimes think God does this just so that we truly appreciate it when the drought has passed and the rain once again begins to fall.

I hope to see you and Pat tomorrow night ... I also hope to find the time to read your blog more often and to listen to God speaking to me through you. It is truly a gift for which I am so grateful. Thank you dear friend!

With that kind of encouragement, how can I not write?

So thanks to all of you who have hung in there with me and encouraged me. I think I'll be writing more from here on out...